How to know when you are getting old
Everything hurts - what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
The gleam in your eye is the sun shining on your bifocals.
You feel like the morning after, but you haven't been anywhere.
Your children begin to look middle aged.
You join a health club, but can't be bothered to go.
A dripping tap causes an uncontrollable urge.
You have all the answers but no one asks you the questions.
You look forward to a dull evening.
You need glasses to find your glasses.
You turn out the light for economy - instead of romance.
You look in the mirror and see your mother.
You sit in a rocking chair but can't make it go.
Your knees buckle but your belt won't.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You put your bra on back to front and it fits better.
Your house is too big and your medicine cupboard is too small.
You sink you teeth into a steak and they stay there.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of all those candles.